God has been my peace in the last few weeks, despite myself and my circumstances. Fear is something I continually struggle with and have to keep giving to God to heal me.
In the past month I have dealt again with the presence of a rash on my hands and face. (For those of you who don't know last winter's story of my crazy skin issues, you'll have to ask me about it all some other time.) A couple weeks before Christmas it appeared again on my hands, not in full strength, but just enough to freak me out. I was so afraid that last years trial was going to be repeated again. After a few days of silent fearing, I exploded at my poor husband who was only trying to give me ideas of what might help. Luke had been giving me suggestions which he intended for me to at least try. After my yelling at him, he calmly said something along the lines of, "Dessa, I don't know if this is the full reason that God is having you deal with this, but I want to you to talk to God right now and see if He might be giving you this trial to force you to deal with any sin that might be in your life. Take a real close look." And he walked off, leaving me there to think and pray. And I did just that. I was humbled by what God showed me--a spirit of rebellion in my heart towards Luke's authority and leadership in our home. Ouch. I confessed that sin to the LORD and to Luke. Was I immediately healed? No...but God gave me the peace that I had been asking for all those days that had avoided me. God doesn't give us the peace we pray for when we are in sin, I've found.
My rash slowly went away that week, to only come back a week later on both my hands and face, after spending time around a Christmas tree. What I now believe to be at least part of my problem is a pine tree oil allergy (based on a lot of what went on last year). But you know what?!! I didn't freak out! I had a complete and utter confidence in God! I was blessed by the peace that God can give. The rash is now gone again.
God is healing me. He has healed me in the flesh (for now anyway), but most of all He is in the process of healing my soul and spirit from the affects of my sin. I pray that God would keep me close to Him, no matter what happens in the flesh. I pray that I wouldn't live in rebellious sin, but submit to the LORD and my husband.
As Elizabeth George says in her book A Woman After God's Own Heart,
"Faith is the opposite of fear...It is by faith that you and I believe that God works in our lives directly through our husbands. It is by faith in our sovereign God that we trust that God knows our husbands' decisions and the end results of those decisions, and trusting that God redeems, if not guides, those decisions. And so it is by faith in God that our fear is dispelled and we gain the strength to submit."