Friday, March 17, 2006

long time, no write

Sorry that it has been so long.  Lack of Internet access explains it all.  That and my life is like a real life soap opera.  Crazy.  Mainly my family and grandparents are the culprits.  It is hard to explain the situation so I won't but if you could, if you would, be in prayer for us.  It has been a very hurtful situation for all involved and there is no way that we know of that we can fix it.  It will have to be all God.
But in me it has brought up some very real anger issues that I wasn't aware of.  And it brought up a lot of questions.  And I have to admit they were directed at God.  He should be able to fix everything right?  So why doesn't He?  I hate questions, but I am learning to trust Him and live without specific answers.
Life is hard.
Emmanuel.  God is with us.
Talk to you later.

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

I am romantic, no matter what that stupid survey says

I am. It is true. So I don't know why I only got a 43. But maybe their definition of romance is entirely different than mine. I mean they probably don't think that not dating anyone is romantic. I'd rather do without than date the wrong person. I'd rather long and dream of that day when I know that guy is the right one and he asks me to be his wife. I'd like to know that he is mine and only mine, because I will be that dedicated to him. So he'd better be the same way. I am very possessive, huh?

Why am I talking about this? I really don't know.

I haven't known much lately. Well... I have but I haven't. I have felt more secure than ever but without really knowing anything. Right now I don't know that I will be an architect. I don't know what college I will go to or even if I will go to one. I just don't know. I don't know what job I will have but I expect to have one soon, hopefully one that isn't too crappy. I don't know who my husband will be yet I am expecting that there is one out there somewhere for me. I don't know how my family will continue on considering some problems that have been happening financially and with some family relationships. I don't know if certain people I know will ever get it, ever wake up from their slumber; but I pray to God it will happen soon. I don't know if I will be alive tomorrow or the next day for that matter. But I know I will survive. Until I die, that is. And I know that God is all-reigning, all-loving towards me and my life. That because He loves me, He will give me what's best for me. That because He doesn't hate me, He won't torture me, but give me what is good and perfect for me.

And isn't that hope in what God will do a type of romance? It seems like it to me. It's a romance that is so tangible in our lives; we know it's there, but we can't actually touch Him physically. I feel His touch, but I can't touch Him. I see His love in my life everyday, but I can't love Him like I could someone else. You see, I guess my love language is gifts. That's what Jessica told me. Because I have this thing about me, that when I love someone, one of the best ways I feel that I can show that is to bake desserts for them. It's something inherited I know because it's exactly what my Grandma does. Actually both of my grandma's did. I want to feed them. It's odd... I don't know how that really all clicks in my head, but... that is how my head works I guess. But I can't really bake God snickerdoodles and Him eat them. I doesn't work that well. But I will give Him something else. Something He wants from me. My life.

And He loves me more than anyone else loves me or ever will. And I believe in that and I believe in my loving Him. Isn't that the greatest love story? Doesn't anyone who bases their life upon His love a true romantic? I think so. So there. I am a romantic.

Really everyone is in some form. Everyone wants to be loved and to love. They just don't know what to do about it. They don't know their One True Love.

(P.S. Read The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge. It points out the eternal love story in it all.)

Friday, January 27, 2006

Have you seen my life?

My life hasn't been boring lately as my title may imply. But it has been odd. God has been showing me so many things that just blow my mind. And I have been changing a lot too. In odd ways.

Example #1: I have vacuumed my room 3 times this week. Now I like to vacuum, it's true but I really never ever did it that much. It was like a once a month if I was feeling especially tidy thing. I have been dusting a lot too. And folding my clothes and just in general putting things away. Now those of you who have known me for awhile may be thinking, "Where is Dessa? What have the aliens done with her mind? Her personality is not neat! She is messy." I am sorry for shocking you all so. But my new navy blue carpet is so gorgeous when it has no white fuzz-balls on it.

Example #2: I am not worrying nearly as much about people I love. I am still praying, but it kinda isn't my problem anymore? Not that it ever was, but I made it that way. If they decide to screw up their lives, it breaks my heart, but God can still reach them. No matter how far they go. And I can't do anything about it anyway. None of them even listen to me. So why blab on endlessly when it does no good. I just pray.

Example #3: I am getting very close to closing that infamous gate. And completely opening my heart to God and His love. And becoming wholely devoted to Him. He is a much better "love of my life" than the other guy. And not only is that gate starting to stay closed, I really don't want any relationship with any guy right now. It is too much work. And I want to be closer to God. And not need a guy. They really are very unstable crutches to lean on at this age (and the same goes for girls at this age too, guys, we are especially unstable! LOL.)

Example #4: I have been much more diligent in my school work. Yay!!!

But see how weird I am getting? But it is a good weird. It is a peaceful weird. I think I like it. I think I will stay this way until God tells me to do otherwise.

I am weird, obviously...

Monday, January 16, 2006

Snug as a Bug

Sorry I haven't wrote for so long. But why is a praise in itself.

WE MOVED INTO OUR NEW HOUSE !!!!!!! So therefore we don't need to use my aunt and uncle's washer and dryer because we have our own. It's been so awesome to be able to do normal things without all the trouble. To have real showers, etc. The only bad thing has been not being able to blog nearly as much. Oh, well. But we moved in to at least sleep on Christmas Eve and have been slowly moving other stuff in as the weeks have passed. I absolutely love my bedroom. If I could I would put pictures but I doubt that will be happening any time soon.

I hope all of you have been doing great in your lives too. Mine has been great despite the things I am learning. Some lessons just don't stick as well as they should. But God has been revealing new things about me to myself. And you know that gate that wouldn't stay closed? (see past articles, The Inept Gate Closer and The Gate that Won't Stay Closed) Well, it is doing much better and staying closed the majority of the time. Some days it still swings open, but one step at a time is all that can be expected. And Jessica has been back for the past few weeks which has been nice even though I haven't seen her nearly as much as I would like. She is so busy. Another "oh, well."

I'll try to do better with writing.

Read 1 Thessalonians 1. It has been an encouraging chapter for me lately. Especially verses 3-5.