Sunday, January 29, 2006

I am romantic, no matter what that stupid survey says

I am. It is true. So I don't know why I only got a 43. But maybe their definition of romance is entirely different than mine. I mean they probably don't think that not dating anyone is romantic. I'd rather do without than date the wrong person. I'd rather long and dream of that day when I know that guy is the right one and he asks me to be his wife. I'd like to know that he is mine and only mine, because I will be that dedicated to him. So he'd better be the same way. I am very possessive, huh?

Why am I talking about this? I really don't know.

I haven't known much lately. Well... I have but I haven't. I have felt more secure than ever but without really knowing anything. Right now I don't know that I will be an architect. I don't know what college I will go to or even if I will go to one. I just don't know. I don't know what job I will have but I expect to have one soon, hopefully one that isn't too crappy. I don't know who my husband will be yet I am expecting that there is one out there somewhere for me. I don't know how my family will continue on considering some problems that have been happening financially and with some family relationships. I don't know if certain people I know will ever get it, ever wake up from their slumber; but I pray to God it will happen soon. I don't know if I will be alive tomorrow or the next day for that matter. But I know I will survive. Until I die, that is. And I know that God is all-reigning, all-loving towards me and my life. That because He loves me, He will give me what's best for me. That because He doesn't hate me, He won't torture me, but give me what is good and perfect for me.

And isn't that hope in what God will do a type of romance? It seems like it to me. It's a romance that is so tangible in our lives; we know it's there, but we can't actually touch Him physically. I feel His touch, but I can't touch Him. I see His love in my life everyday, but I can't love Him like I could someone else. You see, I guess my love language is gifts. That's what Jessica told me. Because I have this thing about me, that when I love someone, one of the best ways I feel that I can show that is to bake desserts for them. It's something inherited I know because it's exactly what my Grandma does. Actually both of my grandma's did. I want to feed them. It's odd... I don't know how that really all clicks in my head, but... that is how my head works I guess. But I can't really bake God snickerdoodles and Him eat them. I doesn't work that well. But I will give Him something else. Something He wants from me. My life.

And He loves me more than anyone else loves me or ever will. And I believe in that and I believe in my loving Him. Isn't that the greatest love story? Doesn't anyone who bases their life upon His love a true romantic? I think so. So there. I am a romantic.

Really everyone is in some form. Everyone wants to be loved and to love. They just don't know what to do about it. They don't know their One True Love.

(P.S. Read The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge. It points out the eternal love story in it all.)


SarahLynn said...

I love all your wonderings. I think you are in the right place! You don't know what will happen...but you know His love. And that's all He wants you to know. :)

I will try to get a hold of this book. I looove romance! :)

Fligdet said...

Dessa i miss you so much i was reading our blog and yours and jessi's but then i looked away fromt he computer and saw the digusting moral-less world around me and realized one of my worst nightmares i'm still at school...and still sick i almost throw up a couple times and it sucks but i'm gonna go now, just wanted to say ilOVE YOU!!! and save me:( i hate school:(