Saturday, March 01, 2008

Like Susan...

With a jingling of mail the others climbed up behind her. Aslan glided on before them and they walked after him.
"Lucy," said Susan in a very small voice.
"Yes?" said Lucy.
"I see him now. I'm sorry."
"That's all right."
"But I've been far worse than you know. I really believed it was him--he, I mean--yesterday. When he warned us not to go down to the fir wood. And I really believed it was him tonight, when you woke us up. I mean, deep down inside. Or I could have, if I'd let myself. But I just wanted to get out of the woods and--and--oh, I don't know. And what ever am I to say to him?"
"Perhaps you won't need to say much," suggested Lucy.
Then after an awful pause, the deep voice said, "Susan." Susan made no answer but the others thought she was crying. "You have listened to fears, child," said Aslan. "Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?"
"A little, Aslan," said Susan.
(From Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis)

I thought I'd better update you all and tell you what's been going on with me in the past two weeks. If you read the past post you know that I'd been confused as to what I felt God wanted me to do.

Did He want me to stay in Wenatchee or go to Omak?

And quite honestly I felt that He would say, "Stay in Wenatchee. Trust me that I can provide money and a way for you." I felt that was how He could build the most trust, make me grow the most. Psshh. Shows you what I know!

Cause that is not what He said. After much prayer, He told me to return to Omak.

But me, being the human I am, questioned, "God? That can't possibly be the way you want me to walk. Right? Right God? I must not have heard You right." Oh, boy. I can be such a know-it-all. :) So guess what?!? To add to my stupidity, I decided to fight Him for control. So for almost a week I pushed aside that knowledge of what I should do and determined that could not be His will for me. Actually at the time I wrote that last post, I already knew the truth of what He wanted from me, but I was rebelling. And you all know the story of Jacob right? (Genesis 32) He wrestled with God. But he was left maimed. Well I wrestled with God, and thankfully I was not maimed for life, but I did get sick. Sick and very stressed out. And one night I cried for 3 hours straight. I was miserable. And I finally fell asleep crying, but in the morning when I woke up I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God really did want me to go back to Omak.

And I surrendered.

And it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Because I realized that I actually needed to trust God more in going back to Omak. I had been so worried about what Katie would say and leaving her; about leaving the wonderful place we live in; about having a place to live if I came back here in the fall. "God!" I cried, "What if, what if, what if...and how are You going to work all this out?"

Like Susan, I knew that I should believe He was there, beside me. But I can be so fearful. So self-righteous. And too smart for my own good.

God, like Aslan, called me to His side. Gently He asked me to dwell in His presence, and there He was able to calm and reassure me that He really, truly is in complete control.

God is in control. He really is people!!!!!

Cause guess what?

When I told Katie, although she was sad; she understood. My fears about telling her were completely worthless. Praise God for such a great friend I have in Katie!

When I called my old employer and asked if I could work there again, at first he said he didn't think I could. But days later he told me that they worked out a way. So I have my old job that I loved back, waiting for me! Praise God for His gifts! Praise God for Christian employers that love me!

When I registered for classes in Omak, I was able to get into the exact ones I needed. Thank you Lord!

You see, God reassured me that because it's His plan, it will work out.

It will still be hard for me to leave my friends here in Wenatchee. And I am still going to have to trust Him in the months ahead for more directions on what way He has planned for me. But our God truly has the best plans for us, not just good plans--the best plans. I know that this will just be another event, in the many of my life, that I will be able to look back on and see the fingerprints of God all over it and be encouraged that the next steps He has for me are the best. Because He loves us so much and He knows all things.

I will not always be brave...rarely will I be brave actually. I am weak and cowardly. And I may think that I am smart and that I know what's best...but I am not really and I don't. God can see the events in my life that are ahead. I am sure I will fail to trust Him on countless occasions and you will probably read of them (again and again!) and get to say (along with me), "Gosh Dessa. Don't you ever learn? By now you would think you would know that you can't outsmart, you can't out-plan our Lord!"

But I want to encourage everyone that reads this that God does have everything under control in your life...if you let Him lead. The only way you can know God's way for your lives (the best way) is to be in a relationship with Him, one where He is the head of us. We have to draw near to Him and dwell at His feet to be able to hear what He has for us. And we have to live in utter surrender to His plans for us. Being committed to Him isn't enough...we have to be surrendered.

And that is, my friends, what God has been doing in me lately. :D

No comments: