Friday, November 04, 2005

The Inept Gate Closer

Yep I am inept at closing gates (and opening them too). Normally I just find it easier and quicker to climb over them.

What the heck does this have to do with anything at all?

Today we hauled cows for the last time. My grandpa decided to sell all but a few of the cows. It was something those of us who pray in my family have prayed for awhile now because it was getting to hard for Grandpa to do it on his own and we don't have the time.
So today Dad, Grandpa, Uncle Carl, Randy, and I went out into the cold to get the cows down from the hills. And it was cold. I don't think it ever got over 40 degrees and there was 2 inches of snow up there. Because it has been raining/snowing so much lately around here we figured it would take 2 days. But we got it done in 8 hours. What a blessing!
Dad and I reminiced in the truck about how much fun we have had over the years doing this--hauling cows--and we weren't being sarcastic (wow!). I can't remember a time when I haven't had this as part of my life. Branding, checking, hauling, and feeding cows are a part of my life. And no more. It makes me sad. But it is what is best for Grandpa. It is in all honesty, killing him.
And I could tell you all the details about exactly what we did and all the funny little incidents that happened today, but I won't. It is too long winded and my hands get sore from typing too much.

But back to the point with gates and such...

I am inept at closing gates. Physically and in my life.
I find it so difficult to let go of things that are important and precious to me. Even if it doesn't all make sense (note the glasses incident all of you who know about it). I guess it is good in a way. If it is precious and important to me, it should be hard to let go of, right? But sometimes I think I hold on to them too tightly. And it becomes a tragedy in my life. Like when they cut down the orchard years ago. I was angry even though, again, it was what was best for Grandpa and the rest of the family. I should be sad right? But I shouldn't let it cripple me in any way. People are harder for me to let go. Like one of my best friends. I still can't let him go. And I have struggled so much with it. Maybe God doesn't want me to let go completely so that I remember to pray for him, but I let it hinder other things in my life.

So any way I find it difficult to shut gates. And maybe I am not alone. Maybe others have these troubles too.
I guess we need to just trust that God will lead us. And we need to let Him. Sometime I don't. And I get more hurt. But I think He will help us shut our gates if we allow Him to. I'm depending on it. Otherwise I know that I will remain with a crippled, unhealthy part of me all my life. I have to just let Him heal me and close that gate (even if it just for a time to later have Him give me the gift of opening it for me again).

Trust Him to do the best for you. He always does. Trust in His ultimate understanding of every life situation.

I am going to. With His strong hands leading me every step to wholeness.

1 comment:

Chris said...

I think sometimes it HAS to be Him who closes those gates.

And I know He can do that for us. The whole process...just hurts, though. But He doesn't allow us to go through anything we can't bear, right?

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me."